passion

dearest P,

maybe the thing that i miss most about being with you is how contagious your passion is. just being beside you while you talk about the things you want to pursue makes me want to come back to the things i already gave up on.

truth is, the only thing i've wanted ever since was to be really good at something and dedicate my whole life into that the same way artisans did during the rennaisance or how the traditional japanese artists are still doing now. maybe it's a far fetched dream but i still hope that one day, if destiny permits, i'll be doing something that i want without worrying about money or anything else.

but life is not like that. things happen and then one day i just can't. the hardest part of having ideas is not having the motivation to pursue them. it's seeing solutions on problems but you still choose to just see everything slowly destroyed bevause you don't have the courage to speak out. it's knowing how save the world but choosing instead to watch it burn.

it is confusing and i honestly don't know what should i do next.

maybe that's why i keep writing even if it's shit and no one would read it anyway. but sometimes, there aren't enough sunshines to inject rainbows in these phrases, or the sky is too cloudy for the stars to show themselves. sometimes words lose meaning and it is just a bunch of letters which says "ulyievoo".

yes, this is me hoping maybe one day i would write something good again.

wishing to be the sunrise on your brown body,
N

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