josephine

dearest P,

your tears rob me of reason, and inflame my blood. believe me it is not in my power to have a single thought which is not of thee, or a wish I could not reveal to thee.

but i really cannot do these things now except through this letters. i wish was as brave as napoleon as he was when he sent this to josephine even when he knew that the british can intercept this and humiliate him. as you might notice, there is an awful lot of gap between the last letter and this one and i honestly thought that i already forgot about you.

until the 16th, when an online book fair happened.

i know, we've never really gone through one together. the other one is usually busy when the other one is free and we never came to that point when we both have a free time to go together. and i know, it's weird to remember someone on something that they never experienced together but let me say this, we were never really alone in those book fairs that the other haven't attended. there are constant checks on each other on what was happening and what the good deals were. the first time i owed money to you was when i asked for you to buy a buttload of poetry books. and not to be superstitious, maybe it is a bad idea to as someone you like to buy you books about heartbreaks because they might give you one.

of course i am joking. like i joke most of the time because i don't know which words should i stand with that wouldn't make you angry or disappointed because like napoleon i'd do anything to prevent anything that would make you cry.

truth is, i am all over the place now. i don't know what to do next or if it is still possible to take a step back. and it sucks being stuck at the same spot for a long amount of time and i hope it doesn't happen to anyone. maybe i am a mess like this letter with lots of things to say but doesn't really say much. see, i even forgot how to write properly.

but i hope you are doing well yourself. i'd like to see you conquer the world before i fall deeper into madness and please remember that if you feel worthless or anything, let me remind you that you are not because worthless looks like me and you are far better off. well, it's also okay if you don't remember me but please be there for someone, okay?

yours in exile and in death,
N

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